Monday has arrived again and with it another Mental Health post! I’ve been thinking about how we choose to spend our time and if it feels like an obligation or a pleasure. This has been on my mind more as a midlife woman than ever before. When I was younger I can remember saying, “one day I’ll do this” and things of that nature. In your 20s and 30s there seems to be so much time. So. Much. Time. But once you’re in your 50s you realize that you’ve likely lived more than half of your life! Time is precious!
I have been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor since 1997. I do not currently practice as I work in school counseling but I’ll never let my license expire. My Monday posts have a little more of a mental health theme designed to help you think a little differently. While I am certainly not dispensing advice or treatment, I do hope these posts help you. Initially I started blogging as a creative outlet and as a way to empower women in midlife and beyond to dress and feel like the best version of themselves everyday. I have come to realize that a big part of that is how we feel about life circumstances. Hence the reason for these posts!
You Have the Power
How many times have you said yes when you wanted to say no? How many times have you said yes and then you dreaded it and tortured yourself trying to come up with ways to excuse yourself? It’s taken me quite some time to be comfortable declining an invitation. I used to feel the need to overexplain myself or come up with some good reason why I couldn’t do whatever it was I was invited to do. The truth is that we have the power and the right to say no and to decide how and with whom we will spend our time.
Some years ago my feelings were very hurt when I was not invited to a girls party that someone from an old bunco group hosted. Darn you Facebook! I wondered what was wrong with me? Maybe I’m not fun? I wasted way too much time trying to figure out why. Then it hit me that it didn’t really look like something I’d enjoy. These weren’t great friends of mine, they were merely people I knew. If I had a party would I have invited them? Probably not. Why do we give others the power and control to determine our happiness?
That was just one experience that helped me to realize that I don’t have to be invited and it also helped open my eyes. My eyes were opened to that fact that I have social preferences. For example, I prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings. I started listening to my gut; I don’t have to say yes right away and if I say no, I don’t have to explain myself! That is very freeing!
The Same 24 Hours
We all have the same 24 hours. How do you want to spend your time? Do you feel exhausted and stressed when you look at your calendar? Do the people who you spend your time with take a lot out of you? I have been on a mission to protect my peace, and choosing how to spend my time is a big part of that. Just this last weekend I got a late invitation to do something. I had already planned how I was going to spend my day – I had a lot of things to do! But I said yes because I wanted to have fun and be spontaneous. The problem was that it bothered me all night and I woke up thinking I’d made a mistake. But sometimes it’s hard to tell if that pit in your stomach is merely a little anxiety or a strong message that it’s not the right thing. I’ve had a little trepidation in the past but then when I’m ‘there’ I’m glad I went and had so much fun! I started to text the person who was going to pick me up and I hesitated. I grabbed my devotional and wouldn’t you know it? The message was written directly for me! Or at least that’s how it seemed. It spoke directly to my situation. I knew what I needed to do and I canceled. I didn’t go into a long, drawn out story I just simply told the truth – I had things to do and we are going to be out of town the next 3 weekends!
You know what happened? I had one of the best days! I made a list of things I needed to do and got them done. I felt joy! For no reason except I exercised my right to change my mind and take care of myself.
The Best Version of You
I always want to show up as the best version of myself and I want others to do that as well. You know how you can tell when someone’s heart isn’t in it? I want y whole heart to show up and yours too! The best version of you (and me) is enjoying our time and spending it wisely. Sure there are things we all have to do out of obligation and respect. I’m certainly not suggesting we act selfishly but do ask yourself if you are exercising your right to choose how to spend your time.
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