Do You Need to Purge?

Hey friends! Welcome back to another thought provoking post. My mental health Mondays are a departure from the fashion and style posts but I believe we are all made of more than that. As midlife women so many things matter to us and the quality of our lives should be at the forefront. Many aspects play into how we feel about the lives we live. One thing that has been on my mind lately is having less – not just clothes and things, but commitments that drain us or don’t serve us, and even relationships. Let’s talk about knowing when you need to purge.

I have been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor since 1997. I do not currently practice as I work in school counseling but I’ll never let my license expire. My Monday posts have a little more of a mental health theme designed to help you think a little differently. While I am certainly not dispensing advice or treatment, I do hope these posts help you. Initially I started blogging as a creative outlet and as a way to empower women in midlife and beyond to dress and feel like the best version of themselves everyday. I have come to realize that a big part of that is how we feel about life circumstances. Hence the reason for these posts!

One of the joys I’ve found in midlife is the quiet that allows me to get in touch with how I feel. Compared to my younger days as a mom and wife caught up in all the daily busy-ness, I now have time to stop and think. I am more in tune with what works for me and what does not. This has allowed me to purge or give up things that didn’t really serve me.

Let’s be clear about what I mean when I say ‘serve me’ – I certainly don’t mean my life is all about me, me, me. I loathe selfishness. Instead I’m referring to things that drain me, that don’t fulfill my mission or purpose here on earth. In the past I have served on committees or taken on roles that didn’t make use of my talents and felt forced. Because I wasn’t my authentic self my gifts were not utilized. The sense of obligation kept me looped in and plugged in but I dreaded those meetings and responsibilities. I felt guilty thinking of stepping down or not serving but once I finally did a burden was relieved. On the flip side? By getting out of the way a spot opened up for someone else who might be the right fit. We all have unique talents and gifts.

How to Know What to Purge

It can be tricky to know what to purge. But here’s my tip: ask yourself if it’s keeping you from living the kind of life you desire. This can pertain to people just as well as jobs, or hobbies. If the people you surround yourself aren’t building you up and cheering you on maybe it’s time to purge those relationships. I understand that it may not be possible to cut ties completely (you may be related!) but you can certainly limit your exposure. You can also set your intentions and expectations when you’re with these people to match what you know they can provide. For example, when you know a person acts a certain way, why expect them to be different? You’ll always be disappointed.

Sometimes we outgrow relationships. We may need to purge those as well. There are lots of reasons for this including lifestyle. Maybe you desire a healthier lifestyle and your efforts are downplayed or sabotaged. Maybe you want to be a happier, more joyful person but the negativity of a friend takes a toll. Whatever the reason if you come away from encounters with certain people feeling drained, exhausted, confused, it may be time to purge. This can also apply to our own behaviors that need to be purged. In fact you can replace the word ‘friend’ with the word ‘behavior’ and get the same result.

How you purge is up to you. I am not suggesting a big show down or break up but it maybe a gradual pull back that is needed. Focus your time and attention on the things that allow you to feel fulfilled and inspired.

What We Water Grows

Nothing is more true than this: what we water grows and what we do not dies. Where are you putting your time and attention? I have found in the past that when one relationship ends another starts or gets deeper. Place your time and energy in those places and people that allow you to be authentically yourself and that make the best use of your time and talents.

I hope this post is helpful to you. My wish for each and every one of us is to live a life of joy and happiness despite the suffering that is part of the human condition. Let me know what you think!

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Do You Need to Purge?